I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
