For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
