We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
