can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
