i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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