What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
