If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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