oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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