did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My penis needs a shock collar
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
