They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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