I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
