The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
