Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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