yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
