I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize