I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
