I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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