i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
