I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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