Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
