Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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