I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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