Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize