he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
