omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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