Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
