yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
