And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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