what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
