Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
