Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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