help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
