I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize