yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
