Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
