hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
