Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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