On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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