So drunk its hurt
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
