I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
