What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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