Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
