lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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