If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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