last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
