hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
