the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
