is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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