Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
