Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this hospital has no fireball
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
