I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
