girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
