He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
