thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
