Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
