so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
