My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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