Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
