She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
