so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
