You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
