This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
