Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
