If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
