How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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