dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
