he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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