It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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