why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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