Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize