Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
