i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
