Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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