I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Come on in and take your pants off
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