Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
