some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
