don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
