This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
