I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
