they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
