i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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