Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
